Spirit-filled

I was a Pentecostal church pianist until I came out of the closet twenty-four years ago. Not many Pentecostals ever truly leave. Not truly. They may quit attending church, they may leave behind all the restrictions, the dress code, etc. 

But their hearts stay Pentecostal. You will hear them say they know they are not living right. They will confess that they know they are going hell for not living "right." 

But I made it out. Truly and completely out. I still play a mean Gospel piano and belt out Gospel songs and I rarely drink or do the things a Pentecostal is not supposed to do. Well, except for the gay thing. 

But I’m living right. I’m living as God created me to be. And I no longer subscribe to the traditional definition of God as vengeful, mean-spirited, and ready to burn billions in everlasting hell for not subscribing to the one, singular and approved definition of God. 

As a Pentecostal I believed along with the rest that when I repented of my sins and was baptized that I was filled with the Holy Spirit (which we called King James-style Holy Ghost). It was based on my actions. I repented, I was baptized, and I was filled. 

But I no longer believe that is when I was filled. No, I was born Spirit-filled. We all are. There has never been a time when we, each and everyone of us, have not been Spirit-filled children of God. 

And: there is nothing we can do to lose the Spirit within us. Yes, we can resist the Spirit within us. We can fail to listen to the Spirit within us. But Spirit is still right there, within. Christian or Muslim or Jew or Buddhist or Hindu. Or atheist. We are born Spirit-filled. Whatever we call that Spirit and the life we live demonstrates whether or not we are living out the Spirit within us.